


The Things I Deserve

by bbyagain



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Death Note - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Original Character(s), Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27652822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbyagain/pseuds/bbyagain
Summary: After a year, Haruki and Ryuk have grown bored with her posession of the death note. They both want to find out what would happen if it fell into the hands of another.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	1. Boredom.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time in a while that I've written a fanfiction that I felt really had a story that I had planned ahead. I've been thinking on and off about it for the last ten years, so I hope that in that time nobody else has written it. But if they have, that's alright! I'm just taking the first step to see how I do at writing one like it. 
> 
> If you like it, let me know! Also, I know I'm terrible at chapter titles. The title for the fic itself made me wanna pull my hair out.

**_I._ **

Haruki dropped onto her mattress, soft air pressing from between her lips as her arms sprawled outwards next to her. Barely comfortable enough that seconds after her eyes slipped shut, they were snapping open again and she was exclaiming, “I’m _bored_.”

“You’ve been saying that an awful lot lately,” voice droned, tugging the teenagers gaze towards the dark closet. Haruki pushed herself up on her elbow, twisting herself to get a better look at the one speaking, “why don’t you write down more names?”

 _Why? You haven’t figured out why I haven’t been writing down names anymore?_ “There’s nobody left that I want gone.”

An unreasonable amount of power had been bestowed upon her a year before, and while it had been fun at first the thrill had worn off. Haruki didn’t spend her evenings sitting in the dark confines of her bedroom, jotting down the names of each person that she felt was deserving anymore. Now, all she had to do was _wait_ for them to die.

“You can always give it back,” suggestion was made with reveal, the Shinigami’s fingers slowly wrapping around the edge of the closet, pulling himself forward until his gaze was peering around at her. It didn’t matter how many times she’d woken with him staring at her, his red gaze cold with head cocked in wonderment. When he looked at her, she felt like he could see through her.

 _Someday he’ll be writing my name down in his notebook, and with my days already cut in half, what’s the point of living them out in ignorance?_ “And forget you, Ryuk? Who would do something like that?” _Even if he’s growing bored, I don’t want to forget everything that I’ve done–the power that I hold. It’s more than any other human has. But still, I wonder –_

“Hey Ryuk?”

“Hmm?” He uses his feet on the back of the closet to launch himself out of it, floating on his back across the small bedroom. _I thought I’d gotten lucky, but she’s gotten so boring –_

“What would happen if I dropped the notebook?”

The laugh that erupted from Ryuk sounded distant, like it was still stuck in the Shinigami realm, but his body twisted. He was still here, and while his smile was permanent, it seemed to grow bigger as he folded his hands underneath his chin. Haruki sat up more, her brows raised. _She read all the rules, why’s she asking me this?_ “Then you’d lose ownership of the death note and it would belong to somebody else.”

 _Damn it._ She groaned, slumping in frustration. _I’m bored. I need something better to do than wait around for somebody else to cross me_. Haruki got up and pulled out the shoebox from under her bed, opening it to tear through a bunch of old diaries until she found one from her childhood. She’d been precise with where she had placed the notebook, knowing that nobody bothered with a diary from a five year old as much as they would with a diary of a sixteen year old.

The lock took nothing more than a twist with her nail before it unclicked, loosening so that she could retrieve the black notebook from inside. 

“You can’t write down my name,” Ryuk warned. “Just because you’re a little mad about some _rules_. I didn’t make them.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she muttered, getting up from her knees and sitting back on her mattress. “You came to the human world because you were bored in the Shinigami world, right?”

“Right…?” Ryuk’s voice rose an octave. _Humans are so strange._

When she had found the notebook, she had asked him everything that she could about himself and the rules of the notebook. She wanted to make sure nothing had been left out–even going as far as to write down a few rules of her own in the notebook as _reminders_. She wanted to know everything before she’d written down the first name. And _before_ she made her trade.

“And I’m bored now,” she began, flipping through the used pages of the notebook. They were filled with details of how each person died. A heart attack was never enough for Haruki. Not for those she had deemed worthy enough of her hatred. “So what if I don’t throw away the notebook…or lose it? If I place it somewhere for somebody else to pick up, would it still count as lost?”

Slowly, Ryuk began to sink to the ground as he twisted himself into a sitting position–right until he was only a foot above the floor. He was deep in thought for a moment. The year with him had been long enough for her to know when she’d really stumped him with a question.

“I suppose not,” he answered. “It’s not something that any human has ever done before, so there’s no way for me to know what would happen to you.” _It would be a bitter goodbye Haruki. I like having you around sometimes._

“It would be worth a try, wouldn’t it?”

“Sure.”

Her smile began to grow, heart racing at the prospect of somebody else being able to pick up the notebook. _What would they do with it if they found it? Who’s even good enough to have the same power that I do?_

She got up from her bed again, this time to grab a yearbook from her shelf. Ryuk watched her intently, only to rise to his own feet to peer over her shoulder at the book she flipped through. “What’s that?”

“The other students from school,” she explained, not tearing her eyes away from the different faces. She’d been popular among so many of the groups that she knew most people for who they presented themselves as. Most were shallow, but she couldn’t fault them for it. She too acted shallow in the presence of others, and caught herself slipping into white lies to protect herself from other’s opinions of who she really was. “It would be easy to keep an eye on somebody if I go to school with them.”

She stopped on the page of students in her year, scanning the faces of each student and trying to recall at least _something_. Using her fingers as a marker of each possible person that could have the notebook next. Then, she saw _him_.

_Yagami Light._

“If what you told me was right, Ryuk…if I place the notebook down for somebody else to pick it up, it _won’t_ belong to them because I never lost it, or threw it away. I just let somebody else pick it up…” _What if I’m wrong? But I’m so bored…if I lose my memories, I won’t have anything to be upset about losing anyways. It’s worth it to see what somebody else would do with the notebook._

“You’re really going to take that risk?” _Finally, something more interesting_.

“A week from today, yes…if I think he’ll use the notebook…then I’ll leave it somewhere for him to find,” she assured, picking up the notebook again and tearing the used pages out and a few extra to keep on herself. The loud sound in an otherwise quiet room was enough to trigger a snicker from the Shinigami. “And if I lose my memories, then I’ll miss you Ryuk…and I’ll finally be able to sleep without you staring at me every night.”

“I'll have something better to do.”

**_II._ **

“That’s the one you’re going to give the notebook to?” Ryuk was following behind the girl, watching as the man was walking across the campus, looking for a good seat.

“Maybe. I’m going to talk to him and find out more about him–maybe he’ll be a flop and we’ll both have to go back to square one,” she answered, her cell phone pressed firmly to her ear as though she was talking to an old friend. She’d been using the trick for months, and with careful choice of words, she knew it was going to be nearly impossible for somebody to pick up that she wasn’t really having a phone conversation.

 _I hope he’s not a flop though. He’s the son of a police chief, top of our class–bound to be a scholarship kid, with little effort to get anything that he wants. He doesn’t have to work hard for anything, he’s just good at it–so, he’d be good at deciding what to do with the death note. If he gives it up, no harm no foul…we’ll just find somebody new. And if I forget everything, Ryuk already said he would drop the notebook in front of me again._ She looked towards Ryuk, though it seemed like she was looking straight towards the sky. _Maybe he really does care about me more than he intended to. Hell, I’d even say he’s my best friend_.

“Haruki! Over here!”

The girl looked away from Ryuk, towards the boy that was waving at her from across the courtyard. Slowly, her smile blossomed into the sugary sweet one that the Shinigami had grown to understand was her façade. She put it on for anybody that she wasn’t close to, and Light wasn’t exempt from the rule, even if she planned on dropping the notebook for him.

Haruki walked a little faster, brows slightly furrowed as she blabbered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you! I was totally lost in space there.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he answered, polite enough to wait for her to catch up and take a seat before he sat back down. “I’m just flattered the school paper wanted to do something on my scores.” _Mom would’ve killed me if I didn’t do this_. _She probably wants to put it in a scrapbook._

“The highest nationwide, right? That’s incredible.”

“It’s not as big of a deal as everybody’s making it seem. I spent the night before cramming for the exam,” he confessed, being coy about the entire thing. There really wasn’t anything interesting or challenging about the exams. They bored him as most things had. He was waiting out high school so he could go to University and eventually step into the shoes of being a detective; maybe that way, he’ll find something challenging.

“He seems boring,” Ryuk muttered, next to the stone table that they had settled at. Haruki was pulling her pen from the ring of her notebook, turning to a blank page as she jotted down a few notes.

“You did not,” Haruki smiled. She’d found more than one person fell for the way her dimples displayed when she did, spilling more because young features defined innocence. What could she possibly do wrong, when she was always an innocent bystander? Especially in the last year with what had happened to her mom, _oh_ , and her best friend not long after. “Fess up. You cheated on the exams.”

“I really didn’t,” Light laughed, scratching the back of his head, as if he were almost shy. “I guess they just weren’t that hard for me to get good marks on.”

“Do you have any advice for other students?” _So many stupid questions that I don’t care about. But if I start asking too many questions about who he is early on, he’ll start getting suspicious. He’s not stupid…he might be able to put two and two together if he gets the notebook, and I don’t want him to do something irrational. What proof would he have that I killed those people –_

 _“_ -detective work.”

“Your father’s the chief of the NPA, isn’t he? You don’t want to go into the force instead?”

“No.” _Too harsh. If he reads it, he’ll think I’d be ashamed to be working as a police officer_. “My father does a great job as the chief of the NPA, and if I went into police work, I wouldn’t want to step on toes or others to think he’s bias towards me because I’m his son. Besides, I think I’m more suited to detective work than to police work.”

“You’ll be able to determine what’s right and wrong in cases as a detective,” Haruki stated, scribbling the note down–brows rising with surprise when she heard Light hum in agreement.

“I could pick my own cases if I become a private detective.”

“That would mean your sense of morals is...strong?” 

“That could be interesting,” Ryuk exclaimed, getting a little more excited with the prospect of the notebook coming into somebody else’s hands. With enough handiwork, he and Haruki could watch as the man unravels from having the notebook.

“I like to think so.” _What does she keep looking at? Am I really that boring to talk to? I guess I’d be bored too if I had to listen to somebody talk about their exam scores._ “Did you want to go across to the coffee shop?”

“Oh, if that’s alright with you. I’m not a coffee drinker, but I could really use something sweet.”

With small talk, they made their way across the street and ordered from the shop. Only when Haruki had her muffin in front of her, and Light have his cup of coffee in front of him, did she ask another question. “So, Light…off the record, you said that your morals were strong. But what _are_ your morals?”

“Off the record?”

Haruki nodded.

“Off the record, I think that people who do disgusting things should be punished for what they’ve done. I intend to catch them, and make them pay for it. The world would be a better place if more people didn’t let criminals get away, or only put away for a couple of years. It’s only been getting worse as we’ve been getting older, and soon enough every neighbourhood will be run by criminals. At this rate, they’ll start infiltrating the NPA, and nobody will be brought to justice.” _This is the first interesting question she’s asked me the entire time, and it’s not even going into the article. It’s probably better that it doesn’t. Do I really want people to think I’m insane?_ “I, for one, won’t stand by and watch as innocent people suffer.”

_That’s the first time that he’s spoken with that amount of passion. I can’t smile, even if I want to. I wasn’t so sure about him when he kept giving me boring answers, but this…this could mean he’s perfect for the death note._

“I’m sorry,” he laughed, sliding slightly down his chair. “I’m just passionate about it, I suppose.”

“That’s alright,” Haruki answered. “It’s…perfect.”

The numbers above his head floated, illuminated by orange light. It would stay perfect... _a_ _s long as he doesn't make the deal._

**_III._ **

“It has to be him.” The cellphone was pressed up to her ear again, long after she had said goodbye to Light and started on her commute back home. "With his sense of what justice is, could you imagine what he would do with the book?"

Haruki almost squeeled from excitement. Every step that she took was energized by the fact she would be placing the notebook down for Light to find. "Don't you think?" 

For a moment, Ryuk didn't say a thing. 

"I'll miss tormenting you, kid." 

The girl smiled, glancing around the empty street before she looked towards Ryuk. "You can visit. You'll still be _my_ Shinigami. Light will just be borrowing you for a bit." 

Ryuk laughed. 


	2. The New World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to share this chapter this week. I've had a really stressful week, so getting to sit down and write this has really helped me in being able to relax. 
> 
> I hope if you stumble across this lil fic that you like it. This week is a little slow at times because it's still in the stages where things are being established, but it should start picking up really soon. 
> 
> Gah, I'm so excited I can't even begin to explain. Hope you all have a good day, or night. Whichever time you're at. ^^

Haruki stood at her bed and stuffed items inside of her bag. First, her school books. Second, a change of clothes. Third, the notebook. She’d learned when she was thirteen what the essentials were when running away, and knew what would weigh her down and what she could leave in her locker at school. Earbuds were fit comfortably in her ears with music playing at full volume as an attempt to block out any sound–but still, some words leaked through.

She zipped up her backpack and took one last look around the bedroom.

 _I can’t come back here tonight_.

Without another thought, she opened the bedroom door and shut it behind her. The hallway was dimly lit leading down to the stairs. She wrapped her fingers firmly around the handrail, taking soft steps. She was sixteen paces away from being out the front door.

 _Five –_ halfway down. _Ten­ –_ at the bottom of the steps. Fourteen – her hand was extended, reaching to the doorknob when she felt her earbud being ripped out of her ear.

“Where are you going?”

By instinct Haruki pulled the wire free from her father’s hand and held the earbud, ready to shove it back into her ear once she’d gotten outside. She pivoted on her heel slightly, closing her hand around the doorknob, partially twisting it in her grip.

“You scared me,” she breathed, glancing across the living room before she looked towards the door opposite of them that led into the hallway. _She’s not in here? She will be once she realizes he’s left._ “It’s half past seven, so I’m going to class.”

“When will you be back?”

“After my English class,” Haruki promised, offering as much of a smile as she could when she was trapped in the front hallway of her home with her heart beating hard in her chest. As much as she loved her father, the moment that he stopped her was the moment he started the timer, and each second that passed made her feel sick. But he still seemed to pay no mind. His bomb had already gone off. “I have to go before I miss the bell.”

“You’re in such a hurry I’d think you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“That’s not true…I do want to talk to you, I just,” _it doesn’t hurt him to lie_. “I don’t want to be late, that’s all.”

He nodded, lifting his hand to steady Haruki as he planted a kiss on the top of her head. “Study hard.”

“I will. Pinky promise.”

Haruki opened the door, stepped out and shut it behind her. Muffled, she heard her father yell, “I’m in the front room, Jun.”

Then she shoved her earbud back into her ear and started to walk down the street towards school.

***

Ryuk drifted next to Haruki in silence, waiting until they were three blocks away from her home. If there had been anything that he figured, it was that Haruki didn’t talk to him, or anybody on the phone when she was too close to her home.

 _3…2…1_. He let out a low chuckle, watching as she pulled the earbuds out of her ears. _Are all humans this predictable?_ He knew in some ways they were. He’d stared into the human world for so long that he’d figured out patterns of different humans, but found that their predictability was usually individual. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”

Haruki pulled her phone out of her pocket, pressing it firmly to her ear and waiting a second before she responded to him. “It’s a real shame you’re not a part of it. You’d make it far with jokes like that.” Her brows lifted, smile slightly concealed when Ryuk choked on his breath in offence. “I’ll miss your darling humour.”

“Hrrmm.” Ryuk huffed, his feet touching the ground as he started walking in a slow strides Though, what was slow for him was still fast for her. “Are you sure this is going to work?”

“That depends.”

“Ooooon?”

“If you remember the rules. But I know you will.”

“How do you know something like that?”

“ _Because_ you’re the best Shinigami I’ve ever met, Ryuk.”

“You’ve been seeing others behind my back?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want you to find out like this,” she teased. “It doesn’t matter if you’re the only one I’ve ever met. It automatically places you in the top spot, and unless the next one I meet gives me a second notebook, it’s a difficult pedestal to knock you off of.” _If somebody sees me smiling towards the sky, they’ll think I’m an airhead happy about the day. It is beautiful out today._ “Even if they do, how many of them listened to me whine and not write my name down?”

**_II._ **

Light walked onto the campus not knowing that he was being trailed. Twenty paces behind him, Haruki had been tracking his movements, and she had been for days. He didn’t have a reason to be suspicious of somebody following him, and in the more crowded spaces it was difficult to pinpoint who was making him feel as though he was being watched.

It still made him feel uneasy. Enough that when he got to the entrance of the building he went inside without bothering to look behind himself. And when he did, Haruki followed. But instead of following him down the hallway-something which he looked down when the door had been opened behind him–she went up the steps without so much as a glance towards him, and made her way through one building into another on the other side of the yard.

 _Maybe it’s because of that interview she did._ He felt like he’d seen her everywhere since, but always with different people doing different things. _So it’s impossible she’s following me. Maybe I just never paid attention to her before_. Light slightly smiled to himself as he reached to open his classroom door. _That’s a shame I didn’t notice her much before. She’s actually quite pretty_. _If I didn’t have so much to do–_ he pulled out his chair and sat down– _I might actually have asked her out._

**

Haruki continued up the steps, much to the dismay of Ryuk, who was whining about having to go upwards just because he could. His abandonment of his wings really wasn’t needed, but provided a reason for the girl to stifle giggles.

“Just one more flight,” she promised, voice low in a whisper in case somebody heard her talking. He would never admit it to her, but she figured as much: If he walked up the steps, it would take them longer to get to the top, and it would be longer before the notebook was no longer in her hands and instead the hands of another.

Ryuk let out a high sound, almost imitating a scream that had Haruki covering her mouth. She knew that only she could hear the echo of his voice on the walls, but her own laughter wouldn’t have the privilege of being muted. _What the fuck was that_ , _Ryuk? Are you trying to sabotage us? I thought you wanted entertainment._

When they got to the door that led onto the roof, she held her breath and pushed. It turned out that talking to the right people with the right deals did work. And really, the 5200 yen was a small price to pay to see what somebody else would do if they had the notebook. Once the door was closed though, Haruki uncovered her mouth and started giggling.

“What was that sound? You sounded like you were dying!” She smiled bigger, imitating the sound in a much quieter voice before she started to giggle again. Ryuk just groaned, collapsing onto the ground now that they were up the flights.

Slowly, her giggle died down as she placed her backpack on the ground and opened it.

“Don’t be down, Ukie-poo.” she cooed, only to catch his attention before she tossed a red apple towards him.

“We agreed,” he said, speaking with his mouth full of apple. “You don’t call me that.”

“Even when you’re acting like a big baby?”

“Don’t forget­–” _Yum, nmn mmn num_. “I am a God of death. I can write your name down anytime I want to.”

Haruki breathed out. Whenever he mentioned that her name could be scribbled across the pages of his own notebook, she never dared to push him further. Ryuk might have been with her for a year, but in that time she hadn’t become comfortable with pushing him to limits; instead, they learned each other’s, and danced around moments where things became too serious.

“Do you have another one?” Ryuk scooted closer, peering into her bag as she took out the notebook in silence. “I know you bought two–” _Nmmn nmn nmn._ He plucked the other apple from her hand, savouring the flavour this time. He would be able to convince Light to get him some more, but that would be _after_ he finished screaming about Shinigami’s. 

“You remember what you have to do, right?”

“Yeah, yeahhh,” Ryuk grinned, licking juices of the bitten apple. He needed to savour every moment of it. “When the bell rings” _Delicious._ “Get the notebook,” he picked it up, demonstrating. “And **drop it**.” He tossed it over the edge of the building. _The biggest apple just for me–oh._ His eyes shot up, looking towards where Haruki had been kneeling on the ground before he found her again, this time at the edge of the building peeking over to try and find where in the darker grass the notebook had fallen.

“Shit,” Haruki exclaimed, sitting back on the roof with her back pressed against the brick wall of roof. She was invisible to anybody who looked up from the ground floors. _What if somebody else picks it up? I’m not equipped for that. I didn’t pick anybody else. I didn’t even consider anybody else. I picked Light._ “We can’t even go get it!”

“Why not?”

“Nobody’s seen a floating notebook before, Ryuk.”

“Maybe there are some _strong_ winds.”

Haruki looked up, her brows furrowed and lips in a slight frown. _Are you kidding? If we go pick it up, the entire plan is ruined and we have to think of a new way to get the notebook to somebody_.

“Look on the bright side,” Ryuk said, standing as he peered over the edge at the notebook before looking across the way. Each name illuminated, but all he needed to see was **one**. “I think your boyfriend saw the notebook fall. Who knows? Maybe he’ll get curious and wander over here.”

**

Ryuk was the one that stood watch, telling Haruki each step. “There he is there. He isn’t going his usual way.” He laughed. “He’s coming this way instead. Looks like your little plan is working.”

His head tilted. If he needed breath, he would’ve held it like Haruki was holding hers. He watched as Light bent down to pick up the notebook, and only when it was in his hand did he dip back away from the edge from peering eyes. “Hold on…he put it back down...he’s walking away.” His gaze fell to Haruki. _So, did it work?_

“What am I even doing up here?” She was getting up, looking at her surroundings as if it was going to give her a reason for why she was on the roof in the first place.

 _Shit_. Ryuk’s features furrowed.

“Haruki?” Ryuk’s feet touched the ground for the third time that day as his body slouched, trying to get a better look at the girls face. And when he did, he realized that she was concealing a slight smile. “That’s not funny, y’know.”

“It was a little.” _Still, I can’t help but be disappointed that he put it back down._

Suddenly, Ryuk started to laugh a little. “I knew he wouldn’t be able to leave without it.” _What type of human would?_ He watched as Light picked up the notebook and stuffed it into his bag and started to walk away again. “Let the game begin.”

**III.**

It wasn’t the first time Haruki hadn’t gone home, especially in the past year. But it was the first time that she had done it in a long time without Ryuk by her side, or even more than a few pages of the notebook in her possession. His company had been a saving grace; a voice when the only thing she could do was jump at the sounds of strangers, or animals in the dark. Still, it was better than being at home. At home, she couldn’t escape what went bump in the night, and was forced to listen to the endless arguing between her parents.

It hadn’t always been that way. But after her grandmother had passed away, her mother had started to rot away with her; imitating behaviours she’d seen from her own mother when her father had passed. Haruki wasn’t sure that her mother had much of a heart left, and if she did, it was a loofa inside a bathtub of alcohol. Within the next few months her body would be ravaged with new illness, and it would take her within the next year in a slow and painful way. That was the way that things needed to be. Her father needed time to say goodbye. This was Haruki’s gift to him.

**

It had been three days since Light had picked up the notebook, and she hadn’t seen Ryuk since, but because she had all her memories still and her eyes, she doubted that he was gone for good. Probably hanging around Light, just as they planned. But she hadn’t heard about any unusual deaths, either. _For somebody that claimed their morals were strong, it’s taking him a long time to decide if he wants to keep the notebook or not_.

Suddenly, there was a flash in the sky, drawing Haruki out of her thoughts for a moment before she was getting up from the park bench she’d sat down on.

Haruki looked up at the sky, and for the first time realized how Ryuk had casted a shadow all that year, and now that he was gone things seemed _brighter_. 

She needed a new change of clothes. She couldn’t get away with wearing her uniform for a fourth day in a row, and it was going to start raining soon. She’d seen the forecast on one of the screens posted up on a building when she’d gone to school that morning.

The walk home was cold, and when she’d gotten inside she was greeted by the illumination of the television set.

Haruki walked towards the stairs, about to go up them when the news anchor had caught her attention.

_“The NPA has confirmed that there have been multiple deaths in prisons across Japan, and outside of Japan. All of them have been heart attacks. They have no current suspects or explanation of how this can be happening. We will continue to update you as we are updated.”_

_Oh my God._ She let go of the railing and stepped further into the living room, eyes glued to the television. Her heart was beating hard, and the palms of her hands had gotten sweaty, while her face felt as though all the heat had rushed into it. Haruki stared at the television set, not even paying mind to her sleeping mother on the couch between hers and the set. She breathed out in disbelief, lips twitching into a smile.

 _He’s using it_. _Lights using the death note._


End file.
